Journals of Hope, 2019

Posted on by Joy Mosenfelder

The following journal entries came from clients at Women’s Hope, our Transitional Support Services (TSS) recovery program for women. Each was asked to write about her New Year’s Resolution for 2019:

Image: Exercpt from Ashley's JournalMy New Year’s Resolution this year is to start believing in myself.
I’ve never struggled to get 30, 60, or even 90 days clean. I struggle with long-term sobriety and believing I deserve all the blessings I worked hard for. When I begin to start being a part of society, working, getting a place, being a mom… I begin to tell myself I don’t deserve it.
Currently I am five months pregnant. From here I plan to go to Shepherd House’s mother and children’s program. I plan to give birth to a healthy baby girl and I never once want to believe I don’t deserve to be sober and happy. This year I will walk with dignity and pride as a woman who deserves happiness.

Ashley


Image: Journal Excerpt From DianeFor so many years, I’ve been running away from emotions and feelings, only to experience worse feelings and emotions.
I created my own Hell. The person in the mirror was someone that I didn’t recognize. I just kept shoveling drugs and alcohol into my body to numb myself.
All of a sudden, the substances no longer numbed the pain or the guilt that I feel. There had to be a something more to life. I began to wonder what my purpose is here on Earth. So many people are dying, why is it that I am still alive?
On December 31, 2018, I checked into detox. I felt so alone and empty inside. I couldn’t fathom living life correctly but I definitely couldn’t go on as I was. I made a personal vow that in the New Year I would give my all to build a better life. I am proud to say that I’m drug free, in 2019. It is only the 10th of January, but it’s a clean slate to start with.
I have a lot of work to do with cleaning up the wreckage of my past. It’s a scary thing for someone who has avoided reality for so long. However, I’m very optimistic about what is to come. I’ll accept the consequences because it is time for me to grow-up. Not everything is going to happen the way I want. I’m positive that if I keep doing the next right think, only the best can come from it.

Diane


Image: Journal Execrpt ElizabethMy name is Elizabeth and I’m an addict. My New Year’s Resolution this January 1st is to become a healthy, independent, well rounded woman, in recovery.
In order to obtain this goal I’m setting small bench mark goals, for example, entering a half-way house. I will work with my counselor, Community Support Case Management Program (CSP) worker and therapist who will guide me though and help me set attainable goals. That will lead me toward my ultimate goal of being an independent , well rounded woman in recovery.
So far, Victory Programs has helped me so much. I have applied to half-way houses and have begun work with my CSP worker. 2019 is my year and I’d love to say thank you to my higher power and Victory Programs’ Women’s Hope for paving the way.

Elizabeth


Image: Journal Entry ErinMy New Year’s Resolution for this year is getting my son back, and caring for him as best as I can and he deserves.
I have a seven month and year old baby boy. In my addiction, I have lost custody of him to the state. However, reunification is now the goal and I am well on my way.
I have been clean for 67 days and having weekly visits with my son. I am working very hard on my recovery and just yesterday I got a bed at a reunification program. I am going next week! So within a couple of months I will be back with my son full time.
The hard work is still ahead. I have to continue working on my recovery, getting my mind and body healthy, and making sure I am in the best space possible to make the transition to being a full time mom!
My resolution is to reunify and be the best mother I can be!

Erin


ImageI’m trying to stick to my New Year’s Resolution by remaining grateful and remaining abstinent from all drugs and alcohol. I am grateful to places like Women’s Hope to help me get my life back on track.

Jessica


Image: Kristine Journal Entry ExcerptI’m Kristine, an alcoholic and an addict. I have been trying to get clean and sober for 20 years. This year HAS to and WILL be different.
For my New Year’s Resolution: I am going to control my temper and listen more – I’m going to finish a program (for the first time ever) and get everything I possibly can out of it, also I am going to do everything I have and need to do so I do not end up back in jail.
The most important resolution I have is to build a new relationship with my 13 year old son. He watched me try and fail in recovery so many times. He loves me no matter what but I want to make him proud. I was ripped out of his life and sent to prison fo`r over a year.
Reality hit me hard. It affected my family more than I could have possibly imagined. I have finally surrendered, I literally fell to my knees and cried more than I ever have before. I have no choice this time and I will do this. I’m far from perfect, and my old behaviors do sneak up on me, but that’s where the program, and meetings, and other women who are serious about their recovery too, help me and guide me back to the right path.
Every day I look forward to continuing my journey in recovery. These are New Year’s Resolutions that I am finally serious about, and I will work my hardest to follow through with. I can’t keep looking back at what I’ve done in the past. I will stay in the present and look forward to the future!

Kristine


ImMy New Year’s Resolution is to stay free from alcohol and jails. I would like to accomplish my GED to go to college, take up some computer classes, and get a good job.
I also want to have a better relationship with my family and my daughter.
I also want to find a church where I can go to fellowship with others and I would like to have a trainer to stay in shape and a dietician to eat healthy foods and I have a sponsor already. I have to call her two to three times a week and I have a counselor and a therapist so my resolution is a New Beginning.

Renee


If you would like to make a gift to Victory Programs to support recovery services and more as part of your resolution please click here

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